NSFW Vacation: Jeju Loveland

The most important thing to remember about this post, before you start reading it, is that it is definitely, definitely, not safe for work.  Don’t read it, don’t even glance quickly over it, if you are offended by sexual images or reference.  You will find them here, represented in hilarious statue form.  The content is very light-hearted and fun, and all the real-live humans keep their clothes on.  But if you’d rather just not see a statue’s genitalia (or a statue of genitalia), then you’re reading the wrong post.

Once, again, not safe for work.  N-S-F-W!

If you would like to see these images, continue on!  You’re likely to chuckle.  I’ll put them safely under this handy read more tag.

That’s better.  Only grown-ups in here!  If you’re not a grown-up, hit the back button.  This is not where you belong.

Our summer vacation to Jeju island officially began yesterday, when we arrived by ferry with our tour group at about two in the afternoon.  We boarded our tour bus, and made straight for our first scheduled stop: the world-famous sexual statue park, Loveland.

Bow-chicka-what-what?

Bow-chicka-what-what?

Loveland is home to dozens of statues of people who love each other very much, and do loving things together, most of which cannot be shown on TV before a certain hour.  Here is the safest picture we could take once we were inside the grounds:

There are hearts on the bushes because of all the love!

There are hearts on the bushes because of all the love!

The stated goal of the park is to celebrate the joy and beauty of sex and love, a noble enterprise if ever there was.  Loveland is a renowned tourist attraction in Korea, with couples both foreign and local marking it as a must-do on their Jeju vacations.  And all of those couples are immediately greeted by a great stone phallus.

Pictured: A Great Stone Phallus.

Pictured: A Great Stone Phallus.

Several remarkable members dot the park’s landscape, giving Loveland a shorthand reputation as a “penis park.”  But this is not the case!  As the statues will remind you not infrequently, the proprietors of Loveland would also like very much to celebrate the love of great stone vaginas.

And the great stone fingers that love them.

And the great stone fingers that love them.

Scores of monuments to the union of these two mighty organs exist, along with increasingly abstract and bizarre representations of the principals in isolation.  And let’s face it, those ones are much more ripe for comedy.

Don't worry, folks at home: this is about as interactive as Loveland gets.

Don’t worry, folks at home: this is about as interactive as Loveland gets.

Is this a Ghost reference, or  am I only making things worse by imagining it is?

Is this a Ghost reference, or am I only making things worse by imagining it is?

Grotesque and oddly par for the course.

Grotesque and oddly par for the course.

The name of this particular installation is "Alice in Won-dick-land."  It is by far the worst pun/innuendo in the entire park, and should be especially ashamed of itself.

The name of this particular installation is “Alice in Won-dick-land.” It is by far the worst pun/innuendo in the entire park, and should be especially ashamed of itself.

Most of the statues of whole people (we don’t seem to have many of those, probably because our designated photographer [Tara] was so shy) depict the traditional pairing of man and woman engaged in traditional, hetero-normative intercourse.  For a place as seemingly transgressive as Loveland, the specific type of eroticism it promotes is surprisingly tame and inoffensive.  There’s no hint of homosexuality, or anything to defy the received conventions of binary gender, anywhere in the entire park.  It’s just dudes and ladies doing their straight thing, and honestly I find that bizarre.  As if all the walls of decent society would come crumbling down if there were any gay statues at Loveland.

These ones aren't even naked.  They didn't have to be straight!

These ones aren’t even naked. They didn’t have to be straight!

But one area where the park is arguably more progressive is in its enthusiastic promotion of the act of female self-love.  I say arguably because the male gaze is ever present, but you’ve got to take what you can get.

She clearly does not need a man to have a good time.

This statue takes what she can get.

Sometimes, the art at Loveland strays from its stated purpose.  Probably.  I can’t think of another explanation for this picture:

I don't want to think of another explanation for this one.  I just thought you all should know it was there.

I don’t want to think of another explanation for this one. I just thought you all should know it was there.

 

There are more wonderful pictures of this wonderful place that I could show you, but it would probably be better not to post them so publicly.  Send Tara or me an e-mail if you’d like to see some amusing out-takes, and we’d be glad to oblige (as long as we know and trust you and we’re sure you’re not a secret creeper).  If you ever come to Korea and your path leads you to Jeju, I would definitely recommend a trip to Loveland for laughs and thrills.  It may seem overwhelming, but there are handy markers to guide you on the right path at all times.

The markers are also penises.

The markers are also penises.

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One thought on “NSFW Vacation: Jeju Loveland

  1. Pingback: Jeju Adventures: Days One and Two | Hanguk Happenings

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